“Dads Involvement Unyeilding”
Plano resident named 2002 Collin County Father of the Year

[Date] article from the The Dallas Morning News newspaper

by Linda Stewart Ball

John Bourke has two pearls of wisdom for men who want to be good dads: “Adore your wives and stay curious with your kids.”

The Plano father of two was named the 2002 Collin County Father of the Year on Saturday night at a black-tie fund-raiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Mr. Bourke, 46, was chosen from 10 finalists and 60 nominees.

His nomination, the judges said, was unusual in that several nonrelatives endorsed it.
“It was like his whole community, his whole block nominated him,” said Dr. Erwin Tang, who, as the 2001 Plano Father of the Year, was among the judges. More than a dozen friends and relatives wrote that Mr. Bourke’s compassion and sense of humor have changed their lives for the better.

Neighbors said Mr. Bourke’s parenting has affected them in part through “Dads in the Hood,” an event for fathers and kids that he founded and that has grown to include 700 West Plano homes.

This October will mark the eighth year for the initiative in which dads and kids camp out in their front yards. The event includes a magic show and hot-air balloon glows in a nearby park.

“It’s all about fellowship and support,” Mr. Bourke said. “I really think that fatherhood is not a sole initiative. It’s not a one-man show.”

Mr. Bourke said he and his wife, Elena, use the model of parenting handed down from their parents: “unconditional love of our kids.” “The best way to do that,” he said, “is through an unrelenting pursuit of faith and complete and utter devotion to each other as husband and wife.”

The couple, who celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in July, met in a high school play in Mineola, New York. Her husband, Ms. Bourke said, is “the most honest and ethical person I know.”

And Mr. Bourke said that because of the “undying love and complete respect” he has for his wife, their kids — Lauren, 15, and Christopher, 11, — are confident that their home is a solid one.

Staying curious about your kids, Mr. Bourke said, means trying not to prejudge or make assumptions about whether they’ve been bad or good without first asking some questions.
For instance, he said, if his teenage daughter came home an hour late he would try to find out why instead of immediately grounding her.

“Once you get your questions answered, you reserve the right to get upset if you need to, once you have the information,” he said. It’s an approach Lauren said she appreciates. “He’s just really understanding. He doesn’t jump to conclusions,” she said. “He’s just been a great father all my life, and I’m privileged to have him as my dad.”

Knows their friends
She said it’s sometimes embarrassing when he calls to check up on her. Mr. Bourke said he and his wife are friends with their children’s friends and know most of their parents, which helps increase the trust factor.

And though many laud Mr. Bourke for his friendliness and openness, he’s not a pushover.
“We have a clear understanding with our kids about what obedience and respect are,“ he said. Still, the Bourke home is not tyrannical, friends and family said. Joking, play-acting and other antics aren’t unusual during mealtime. And Mr. Bourke has been known to make up ridiculous lyrics to songs while playing the piano or guitar.

Mr. Bourke said he was humbled by the Father of the Year honor. His children, after hearing about the other finalists at Saturday’s gala, said they were impressed. “Most of those people adopted kids and were firefighters and all that,” Christopher said, adding quickly that his father was certainly deserving. “He does a lot of stuff with us. He does a lot of activities with me and my friends” Christopher talked about a tree-climbing club his dad started in the neighborhood that encourages older children to try to climb trees with just their hands. “And he always helps me and Lauren whenever we have a problem or a situation, and I think that’s just so comforting.”

The Bourkes are parishioners at Prince of Peace Catholic Community, and their faith plays an integral part in their family life. Mr. Bourke, who is a Eucharistic minister at church and also ministers to the sick, occasionally takes his children along on these hospital visits.

“John models the same behavior he expects from his children,” neighbor Mary Crisp wrote on the Father of the Year nomination form. “His morals and values, his relationship with God and his incredible generosity are clearly demonstrated and consistent. John inspires my husband and me to be better parents.”

A ’steady light’
He inspires, encourages and assists a lot of people – children, teens and parents – especially on his street where neighbors say they’ve become more like family than mere acquaintances because of him.

Plano police Officer Liston Zander, who became aware of Mr. Bourke through Dads in the Hood, said “his commitment to fatherhood has been a constant and steady light in a society that has forsaken the role of the father ... It has certainly warmed the weary heart of a policeman who has seen the pain of fatherless children.“

Mr. Bourke’s previous work in the oil and gas industry had the family living in and out of Plano for the last 20 years. But after a 1993 layoff, he decided to go into business for himself. They settled in Plano to stay.

Mr. Bourke said he’s restructured his business life and minimized his travel to spend more time at home.

Walking, talking
When his kids were in elementary school, that allowed him to walk them to and from school. And during those walks, they would talk. Those walks continue today. “When I’m at my best, I listen,” Mr. Bourke said of the walks with his daughter. “When I’m at my worst, I talk ... But the moment I give her advice, she shuts down. So I just listen, and she values that.” Because she’s a teenager, Lauren is very interested in her friends and academic career, he said, adding that she’s been blessed with a beautiful singing voice and enjoys the theater. “With my daughter, the balancing act has been staying involved in her life without cramping her style,” he said.

The walks with his son are a bit more fast-paced. Christopher is usually on a skateboard, and Mr. Bourke often glides along on in-line skates to keep up.

Mr. Bourke was the scorekeeper for his son’s hockey team, and he took up golf because it’s something Christopher is interested in. When Lauren was little, he coached her softball and soccer teams, even though, he confessed, “I don’t know anything about soccer.”
The season reflected that, he added, but they had fun. “I go basically to watch them play,” Mr. Bourke said. “I’m not invested in whether they win or lose. I just enjoy watching them.”